"Compatibility is an achievement of love; it must not be its precondition" ALAIN de BOTTON and my opinion of an opinion

Last night the HBG and I had one of many heart to hearts about our relationship as it is right now, the changes on the horizon with me moving in with him half way across the country, and the stress of my moving half way across the country, leaving everything I have known for so long, for the adventure of a lifetime...No, the details are a bit too intimate for me to share, and quite honestly none of anyone's business but our own. I will say though, it left me thinking about a lot of things. About my own journey through my personality and memories, sorting out the nostalgia from the painful bits buried in my mind's landfill. You see, somewhere in my adult life I shelved a bit of growth to tend to others needs. While I am at peace with this because for the better part of 30 years this was my family,  I am also  finding myself somewhat playing a fast game of catch-up. 
In the past three years my life has changed, in ways I could never have imagined. It is by far, much grander than it has ever been. I mean no offense to my children when I say that. It is just that I have found many things that I believed existed but that I did not know how to access. With that comes the tremendous growth that was needed to recognize and maintain those intrinsic values of love and happiness that we all search for. A few years ago, a marriage counselor told my ex and I that we would never treat our colleagues the way we treat each other and get away with it. I have held onto that. I accepted that I was part of the unraveling of that relationship and have since worked on those shortcomings of my own. What I have found is that I have this deep appreciation and love of self and can share it rather than to give. When I leave myself intact, I am so incredibly happy and not drained.
In the stress of leaving this place however,  I have spent the last couple of weeks trying to hang on to normal, though moving is anything but. I haven't moved yet, but I have fallen into this got to get this done and do that when I get there routine...In retrospect, it has been a way to look forward, but maybe also to a way to run from here without giving myself the closure I know I will want. I know in the core of my being that this is just fear battling for the top billing I refuse to give it. What I have found in Joey is this compassionate soul who listens and takes a step back and then reels me in when I am about to get lost in my own way. I adore him for this. This is just one example of the true sense of love that I always believed existed.
This brings me to a poignant share that I saw on FB this morning. It was an opinion written in the NY Times on Sunday by Alain de Botton "Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person". At first I read the article with a bit of trepidation. After giving it a second look with the perspective of an open mind I realized what I had known for a long time. I did marry the wrong person, for a lot of the wrong reasons, everything listed in that article matter of fact. I got married young, I was afraid to be alone, I feared I would be passed over, I was seeking that "normal" family that I never had as a kid. Yes, when the good feelings were gone, I held on miserably and tried to reframe, only to lose him to someone else anyway, never understanding until recently that we were never really compatible because our relationship was not based on love and the respect that comes with it, it was based on a longing for happiness. What I also came away with from that reading is that the statement "Compatibility is an achievement of love; it must not be its precondition" has applied to Joey and I all along.  We have been friends for what seems like forever,  and in that cause, even to this very moment, have always been considerate of each other. This is because of our love for the other as a person, not as an objectified ideal. Our compatibility is something that seems to grow with us, as we share our hopes, fears, dreams, and personal needs for self preservation and growth. The congruity factor is based on compassion, respect, consideration ... all that is LOVE. We are entering into our adventure together from this point with the grand hopes that when we reach 102, we will still share and perpetuate that same JOY.
To comment on the reflections of my own self, it has taken me a great deal of work to get into the habit of allowing myself the delight and indulgence in the silliness. With all the demands to "grow up", maybe some of us have forgotten how to relax enough to enjoy the humor even in the most mondane moments and we find ourselves searching for that wonder we knew as kids. We have so much to be grateful for in our lives, stop and take that time to recognize those things with a whole and open heart. Be JOVIAL and that love of the universe and everything in it will follow!