if I had just a few minutes to catch up with my dad after 33 years... A Father's Day Post

 I was 17 when I lost my dad. I woke up this morning thinking about how my kids are  going to be interacting with their dad today. For some reason I found myself remembering the last fathers day I spent with mine and how much I have done since that I wish I could've shared with him.
So here goes:

Dear Dad,
Since you've been gone I have accomplished so much with my life. I have graduated from college and a graduate program and have taken almost 90 post grad credits. I wish I could tell you they were all towards a PhD but I cannot. You would be proud to know however that they were all towards things in my life that I was passionate about at the time.
I have been a studio artist, a teacher and a coach. I have spoken at conferences, won several awards and have exhibited my work as frequently as time would allow. I even coached one of your grandsons to Olympic Trials in the sport you loved to watch and follow almost as much as football. I have also ridden my bike about 50,000+ miles since you have been gone, mostly in the name of teaching my kids about charity.
Speaking of grandchildren, four of yours would be mine. The oldest, Justin,  is an artist and is about to get married, your granddaughter Anna is in health related retail and lives in Pa, Mikey is a Maine farmer and tremendous craftsman and Chris is a senior at the University of MN, he's your athlete. You would be so proud of all of them. I am also proud to be called Coici Lisa as Joe has two wonderful kids too.
My marriage didn't go so well. It stayed together for 28 years, but now a year and a half removed from the initial fallout I am realizing it pretty much sucked for a long while. Its sad, but I have learned so much in that past year and a half that I can honestly say I am moving beyond and forward. I have turned that tremendous corner. It has me excited for the future and scarily throwing caution to the wind. I am going forward with my head held high, looking nice, and smiling pretty for all the cameras of life.
My bucket list of goals have changed, they are far more about loving myself and finding direction in that rather then being stressed out and anxious trying to afford to live in the place I grew up in. I have decided that its time to stop trying to be an overachiever just to keep from drowning in the culture of the area. What it accomplishes isn't worth the headache it causes. I have spent more time hanging with friends and focussing on happiness and there is so much I wish I could show you about how it works. I think even at 85 you would be able to benefit from what I have learned about letting go.
In that process I have met someone that I know you would love. We are tremendous friends and have put that first, always. He is affectionate, intellectual, knows his way around a workshop, is a fantastic cook, is into culture and loves to dance. I have been finding myself down south in Arkansas almost as much as being here in NY this past year. I will be spending the whole summer there as well. We planted a medium sized garden in the spring, and he's been tending it, even picked our first peppers yesterday.

There is still not a day that goes by that I don't think about you. Happy Father's Day pops!
Love you!!!!